Grief in the Era of Covid-19

By Rev. Donald Porter, D. Min.

Despite our culture’s tendency to callously ignore death, Covid-19 has forced us to come to grips with the fact that death is a reality. During this pandemic, dying has become a normal, daily routine on a large scale. However, death has become uniquely different for those who are dying, as well as for their loved ones. Individuals have had to die alone in hospitals without the presence of their loved ones. Family members have had to view the death of their loved one on a screen. Mourners have had to wait while the bodies of their loved one rest in a refrigerated trailer. In some cases, they have had to wait, not even knowing the location of the dead body of their loved one. These things have caused an astronomical increase in the amount of grief in our world on many levels.

The levels of grief and sense of loss have increased for individuals across a wide spectrum of our lives because of the loss of normalcy during Covid-19. Many CEOs have lamented over having to cut jobs. Politicians have grieved from having to close cities and states and the subsequent loss of revenues needed to sustain basic services. Medical care personnel are grieving as a result of the death of patients and colleagues as well as the lack of medical equipment needed for them to protect themselves and patients. Professional athletes have mourned from their inability to compete in their respective sports thereby threatening their livelihood during the pandemic. High school and college students have grieved because they have been unable to enjoy many of the celebrations associated with their graduations. It is highly likely however, that no group of individuals has been more impacted by grief and loss stemming from Covid-19 than the family members who have grieved over not being able to have a traditional funeral or other rituals associated with the death of a loved one. In this era of Covid-19, grief has not been limited to death, but covers a gamut of areas. The question that begs to be asked is: How do I cope with grief in the midst of Covid-19?

First, those who are experiencing grief and the side effects of grief must acknowledge their loss or death. In essence, when we encounter a loss or the death of a loved one, we have to accept what has happened as reality. Dr. J. William Worden (a noted professor and psychologist) states that “The first task of grieving is to come full face with the reality that the person is dead, that the person is gone and will not return.” Covid-19 has hampered this process in many cases. This is true because many grievers have not been able to have closure through attending the traditional funeral or even seeing the body of the deceased. In order to work through grief during this era of Covid-19, those who grieve have to accept their loss. This should not only happen intellectually, but ought to be done inwardly. The griever must recognize the relationship and impact of the loss on their lives. The key is to not deny that you have experienced loss or the death of a loved one.

Secondly, the griever needs to express their feelings centered on the loss. It is vitally important that when we experience loss that we articulate our feelings. Talking about what you feel is a way to express your emotions. In other words, do not be reluctant to express your guilt, pain, anger, and feelings of uncertainty through journaling or talking to a trusted person. A second way to express our feelings is through crying. Psychiatrist Dr. Alix Rey states that “Grief is a time for crying.” The shedding of tears is therapeutic and helpful for releasing pent-up feelings. Dr. Catherine M. Sanders (a Psychologist) in her book entitled Surviving Grief states that “Crying is one of the best ways to reduce pent-up tension. Cry whenever tears well up.” It is important in the grief process that grieving persons express their grief and not suppress their emotions. A constructive way to cope with grief during Covid-19 is to express our feelings about our losses.

The third and final way to cope with grief during Covid-19 is to embrace the comfort of God. II Corinthians 1:3-4 states: “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and the God of all consolation, who consoles us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to console those who are in any affliction with the consolation with which we ourselves are consoled by God.” Paul points out that God is our comforter as we go through hardships. This is good news for those who grieve during this pandemic. Those who grieve should know that comfort is available from God.

The Apostle Paul reveals that God’s comfort comes by way of consoling. God consoles the grieving through the Word and the Holy Spirit. The Lord also uses strangers, friends, and family to console us while we grieve during this unprecedented time. The secret to grieving positively is to embrace the comfort of God. Although this is a very difficult time to grieve, know that God is not removed from our pain, fear, anguish, and sorrow. God is a comforter.

References
Worden, J. W. Grief Counseling and Grief Therapy. (New York: Springer Publishing Company, 2018), 44. “How to Cope with Grief” Ebony, 42 (July 1987), 88. Sanders, C. M. Surviving Grief. (New York: John Wiley& Sons, Inc, 1992), 71. The Holy Bible, New Revised Standard Version, Nashville: Thomas Nelson Publishers, 1989. Donald Porter, D.Min., is a Grief Workshop facilitator, Founder of Donald Porter Ministries, and Associate Minister at Good Shepherd Baptist Church, Augusta, Georgia. He has provided teaching and training in the area of Grief Ministry for churches since 1988.